Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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