I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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