it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize