It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
