I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize