My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize