girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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