well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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