Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
