i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
