you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
