She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
