Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
