Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
