I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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