I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I fill condoms, not promises.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
