I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
