We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
