I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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