Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize