he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
