Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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