I met the friendliest cop last night
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
