The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
