i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
