I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
