maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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