YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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