Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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