I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
