I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
"it" just moved
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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