apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
