the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
