I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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