i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
