apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
this hospital has no fireball
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
