I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize