you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She told me I should be a condom model.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
