did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
