After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
