everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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