THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
