On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
