she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
