You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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