I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
