he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
