think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
