it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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