so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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