I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
