I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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