tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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