I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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