you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
