Are we in a gay sports bar?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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