I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
