Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
