Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize