I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
