i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just want nice things and good sex
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
