Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dignity is for republicans.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
