I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
