Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
