i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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