i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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