He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Enjoy the penises
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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