Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
