I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
