Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize