This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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