So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
