I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
