The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
