So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's never too late to be topless.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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