so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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