im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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