i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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