I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
