So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
