mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's Friday. Sex?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
