Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
