new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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