maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
