The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
