I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
