we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize