i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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