so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
