Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
