Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
