So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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