Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
