Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
