Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize