You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize