you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
