none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
