New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
