He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
