We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
