better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
