did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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