No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
