Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
wow bdsm is so cute
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
