So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
