Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
