It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
