Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
