how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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