Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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