grandma shit on top of the toilet
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
