Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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