Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
