I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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